Foundations of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy
The Integrative Attachment Family Therapy (IAFT) Training Course, developed by family therapy expert and attachment specialist Dafna Lender, is a powerful intervention approach that addresses a wide array of issues that make their way to a therapist’s office: difficult behaviors on the part of the child, such as frequent arguments and tantrums, disobedience, and indifference; and reactive behaviors on the part of the parents, such as yelling, pleading, threatening, and giving up or giving in.
Instead of viewing the child as the problem, IAFT addresses the crux of the issue: a misalignment in the parent-child relationship. In this training course, Dafna walks students through the IAFT framework, providing therapeutic insight and concrete strategies to help families achieve meaningful and lasting change.
Whether you’re a clinician, child welfare worker, educator, or professional working with children in any capacity, this must-have resource will allow you to:
Learn through clinical case analysis, role-playing, and practical exercises you can integrate into your practice and use on your own.
This program is offered at the introductory level. It is suitable for graduate-level learning and accessible to anyone interested in the subject.
This program is a prerequisite for taking the IAFT Level 2 training.
Level 1 introduces the core framework of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy (IAFT) and provides practical tools you can begin using immediately in your work.
This training is designed for professionals who:
You’ll leave with a clearer understanding of relational dynamics and a strong foundation for applying IAFT in real-world settings.
After Level 1, you will be able to:
"When I stumbled upon your book on Amazon, it felt like I had found a missing piece to a puzzle. This approach affirms my hunches and instincts about where to go with families and provides a framework for doing so. My colleagues have expressed similar feedback. We sincerely appreciate your work. It has helped to confirm, consolidate, and inspire our team."
IAFT Participant
In Module 1, we will practice exercises for maximizing your social engagement system and participate in experiential exercise for learning about your own polyvagal map. In this session, you will
Learn techniques for transmitting trust and safety through body language
Learn how to overcome your defensive reactions to clients who cause you discomfort by using guided imagery and self-regulation techniques
See video of real client where parent and child have difficulty due to being mismatched in their nervous systems and how social engagement activities helped them become more attached and regulated
Map out your own polyvagal map so you can become familiar with your own nervous system
Learn to apply this same map with your clients
I. Basic Tenets
Focus is on attunement, co-regulation and intersubjectivity between caregiver and child on non-verbal, physiologic level.
The dyadic relationship is the focus of the treatment, not the individual
Actively facilitating joy and connection in the dyad
Developing a coherent autobiographical narrative is key to healing
Working with parent’s own attachment history is key to facilitate healing
II. Using your Social Engagement System
Voice prosody
Melodic voice that express joy/pleasure in person’s company
Higher in the pitch range
Rhythmic voice
Matches the rhythm of the other person’s communications/vocalizations
Accompanied by open, curious face
Eye contact
Reassuring touch (pressing gently on hand, holding hand, hand on shoulder)
Gesture and posture
In Module 2, we will learn how interpersonal play between parent and child builds trust, safety and connection. We will practice activities from the 4 Dimensions:
Balloon between two bodies
Weather report
Slippery slip
Cotton ball war
Mirroring Game
Blow Me Over
Imaginary Ball Toss
In this session, you will
Learn about the 4 dimensions of Theraplay
Learn which type of child behaviors need which of the Theraplay dimension
Learn activities to use in sessions with your child and parent clients
Practice activities in dyads
Learn about the impact of pervasive shame and child misbehavior
Learn how to repair shame
I. Theraplay Dimensions: Overview
Engaging, playful, relationship focused therapy that is interactive, physical and fun
Modeled on the natural patterns of healthy parent-child interaction
A “bottom-up” rather than a “top-down” model
Parents are actively involved in treatment and helped to become more sensitively attuned and emotionally available
Interactions lead to a sense of safety and comfort with closeness and create an ongoing healthy relationship
Repair of traumatic experiences and relational trauma
II. Theraplay Dimensions: Structure-Organization & Safety
Environmental regulation via organization, clear boundaries, and clear expectations
Relational regulation via pacing, choice of activity and level of arousal
Parent takes over this role as soon as possible
Balloon between two bodies
Messages to the Child
Your parents are trustworthy and can keep you safe
You don't have to manage on your own
III. Theraplay Dimensions: Engagement Connection, Joy, Co-Regulation of Emotions
Slippery slip
Messages to the Child
IV. Theraplay Dimensions: Nurture-Calming, Emotional Nourishment, Secure Base
Creating moments where the child can feel taken care of, secure, nourished and calm
Messages to the Child
Your parent can calm and soothe you and help you feel better
Your parent provides what you need
Even if touch and physical closeness were frightening in the past, they can now feel safe and good
V. Theraplay Dimensions: Challenge Recognition, Pride, Celebration of Self
Messages to the Child
You are strong and competent
You are capable of making good things happen
You can accomplish something that is a bit difficult with your parent’s help
VI. The Value of Practicing Playful Activities with Parents
Symptoms
How to respond to and heal chronic shame
Example of shame and repair
In Module 3, we will learn how to help caregiver and child create safe dialogues. We will practice PACE for when a child is angry/defensive and when a child is passive/withdrawn/depressed.
In this session, you will
Discover the power of the PACE attitude
Learn to encourage and extend dialogue even if the child doesn’t talk
Tools for titrating the intensity of interaction between parent and child to maintain optimal arousal
Practice a position of radical acceptance of client’s strong feelings
Learn how to identify toxic shame as a reason for misbehavior
Learn how to repair the pattern of the toxic shame response
PACE Attitude for encouraging children to speak about their thoughts and feelings
Playfulness
Light, hopeful, open, spontaneous atmosphere, storytelling voice and tone
Acceptance
Unconditionally shown about all the thoughts, feelings, motives, urges under the behavior; Behavior still needs limits or consequences
Curiosity
Non-judgmental, non-evaluative, wondering, active interest in your child’s experience, can be tentative
Empathy
Doing your best to make sense of and feel what is going on for child - actively showing it so they can see and feel how they have an impact on you
Tips for creating safe dialogues between child and caregiver
Take child’s non-verbal communications as responses (shoulder shrug, intense gaze, shift of head, looking down, etc.)
Support child in “not knowing”
Ask if you can guess and they can give you a thumbs up or down, or a toe up or down
Let them hide under blanket or pillow, give them something to clutch like a big teddy bear or pillow
Don’t ask them for verbal confirmation. Non-verbal is enough.
If they don’t answer you, talk to yourself or a stuffed animal in the room, wonder out loud
In Module 4, we will practice responding to defensive parents to help uncover non-conscious fears and facilitate mentalization skills. We will practice role play for parents who make statements such as
Are you blaming me?
How I was raised has nothing to do with this!
I grew up this way and I turned out ok
I had it much worse growing up than he does
In this session, you will
Assessing when it is time to parent individual work
Working with angry and uncooperative parents
Helping parents stay open and engaged
Learn gentle ways to intervene and redirect a misattuned or critical parent
Guiding parents in helpful responses within session
What lies underneath difficult child behavior
I. Possible non-conscious “core beliefs”
I am afraid I will explode eventually and ruin everything
If I say how I really feel, I will feel too foolish
I’m afraid that this behavior means that I am all bad
I’m afraid that if I keep doing this, you might not keep me, might not love me, might send me away
I’m so tired of trying to be “good” and I’m afraid I can’t do it, that I’m a failure, that it will always be this way?
II. Guide for working successfully with parents
III. Preparing parents for sessions to maximize emotional safety
You are going to ask them to email you about good and bad things during the week
YOU ARE GOING TO DECIDE WHAT/WHEN TO talk about the bad things in session
You’re going to deal with one subject/issue/event at a time so as not to overwhelm the situation
“Sometimes I’m going to have to interrupt you if there is too much information or bring up too many negative themes. How do you want me to do that?”
If you feel like I’ve insulted or slighted your authority, we can talk about that afterwards and I’ll adjust
Focus on inner life but I’m not taking what he says literally or believe it’s the whole story
When the child talks or when I talk for him, focus on PACE, like “I understand, thanks for telling me, that must be hard.”
Don’t give reasons, rationales, reassurance, etc. With handout about PACE
If you forget or don’t know what to say, I’ll help you
I’m going to coach you in session and that takes getting used to
IV. Case Study of working with punitive, unempathic parent
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